Actual email I sent to my friend this afternoon…

Mary,
Thank you so much for watching the boys today! I was able to get a lot of shopping done. I would NEVER have been able to do that WITH them. A prime example… right after we left your house this afternoon, we went to Fry’s to get some butter and my vitamins. I stopped at that Tully’s coffee stand to get us some drinks because we were all parched and slightly irritable. For some unknown reason, Gavin COMPLETELY LOST HIS SHIT. He started crying, no SCREAMING, non-stop and people were staring at us and giving us dirty looks! I tried everything to calm him down. He was absolutely hysterical! He was sweating, bright red, bucking, kicking, thrashing! I still have NO IDEA what triggered it. He would not stop. I thought maybe he was hungry, so I saw some Goldfish on sale for $1 a bag (awesome price BTW) and I opened it right there in the store to give him some. Quentin was beside himself too, because he didn’t want to hold the smoothie I had gotten him because it was “too cold”, but he still wanted to drink it. He wanted me to stand there and hold it for him, all the while Gavin was screaming his head off. The whole experience was a nightmare! Gavin would not stop screaming. Even with a mouth full of slobber and goldfish, he kept screaming. It was all falling out of his mouth. I tried to hold him, rock him, give him a drink. Nothing calmed him down. Eventually the store manager came over to see what was going on. He pretty much asked us to leave, but not in so many words. It was beyond humiliating! I had already opened the Goldfish, so I had to go through the self-checkout lane with Gavin screaming the entire time. People were stopping to stare and see what was going on. He was screaming like someone was stabbing him! I got them to the car and he screamed/sobbed the entire way home. I changed him (he wasn’t even wet) and put him right to bed. He got a bottle too. I still don’t know what was wrong with him. I also put Quentin down. Philip and I had a blow up fight in the 10 minutes we actually saw each other before he left because I thought Gavin had lost a shoe in the parking lot during that whole fiasco and I had asked Philip to drive by Fry’s to see if it was still in the parking lot on his way to work. He refused. He was like “cut your losses and get over it”. That’s super easy for him to say because he NEVER EVER tries to take the boys anywhere by himself. He has NO CLUE how miserable of an experience it can be! I was so angry and just steaming about what had happened, I told him that if he didn’t get that shoe, I would divorce him!!! LOL! I seriously said that! He said “Oh well! Divorce me then!”.

I was having a good day until all that bullshit at the grocery store!!! :/

But guess what? I FOUND THE F*CKING SHOE!!!!

The writing is a bit rough, but I’m way too exhausted to rewrite all that crap to make it pretty for blogland. So yeah- that was my day, in a large, wordy, sweaty & stressed out nutshell. FYI, I don’t plan to divorce my husband because of a shoe. It was the hormones/frustration speaking. It makes me say crazy stuff that I often later regret. The kids are completely asleep for the night and I still have no idea why Gav nanomorphed into Kidzilla like that. Also, I think I need a beer.