Q and G 2010

Quentin recently got his haircut, so it’s a lot shorter. Gavin is a whole different story… he hasn’t had a haircut in MONTHS. Due to his sensory issues, Gav has developed an acute fear of hair cuts. The last 4 attempts to take him for a hair cut have resulted in scene-causing freak outs, complete with screaming, crying and throwing himself on the ground. Yeah, the ladies at Cost Cutters must love us. Pfeh! So we basically gave up on even trying anymore. He just won’t let clippers (or even a pair of scissors) go anywhere NEAR his head. We even tried it at home, with me trying to hold/calm him and Daddy wielding the clippers. It was a no go. Well, today I finally had enough of the Billy Ray mullet he was sportin’, so I pretty much FORCED him to let me cut his hair. It was a traumatic event for all involved, including Quentin, who was trying to assist Mom with the process. Hubby was asleep. Lucky him.

So how did it come out? Well, considering that I have zero training/skill when it comes to cutting hair and the fact that he was not very cooperative… All I can say is that homeboy is looking a lot like Lloyd Christmas from Dumb & Dumber (read: Mom butchered him). Oh well! At least he looks a little better than he did before! I don’t know what’s better… Lloyd or Billy Ray? ;)

The day started out good though. Just for the hell of it I decided to start drinking beer at 11:00am. Haven’t done that in YEARS. It’s so weird to be buzzed when it’s broad daylight out! I had 3 beers, all while coloring my hair and watching Law & Order. I realize it’s generally UNWISE to dye your hair while imbibing spirits, but fortunately for me it turned out OK. In fact, it doesn’t even look any different. Just got rid of the grays. Also, just a disclaimer, my husband *was* around to be the “responsible” parent. He let me have a little mommy-break, which was awesome. It sucks though, because I lost the “buzz” fairly quickly and was left feeling like a sleepy, slightly nauseous lump o’ lard for the rest of the afternoon.

Hubby surprised me with beautiful pink roses and a yummy cake though (gift cards too). Plus he made dinner and cleaned up while I watched The Biggest Loser while standing about 5 inches from the TV (sorry, that show gets me riled up and last night’s episode was crazy!). He didn’t even complain. Which is saying a lot because he is not a fan of Jillian and typically loathes when I watch that show.

I heart pink roses!

Then today I received an out-of-the-blue birthday text from my old boss (yes, I’m talking about The Devil Wears Sag Harbor). It was unexpected and oddly, made me super happy. It was cool she remembered my birthday considering it’s been 1.5 years since I worked for her! Hmmph. I’m pretty sure it’s just that recurring reminder I placed on her Outlook calendar, back when I had to micromanage every detail of her day. I do kinda miss her though… kinda like stink misses socks. Like a witch misses her broom… Like a codependent administrative assistant misses a needy/demanding bosslady. I think I might even have lunch with the ol’ gal to “catch up”.

So all-in-all, my 29th (+8) birthday was a nice treat. I think I’ll have another one next year…

3-year-old comes to bedside and says…

“Mother, my diaper is JACKED UP. You need to fix it!”…

SO many things wrong with that sentence…

First off, “Mother”? Really? You’re 3 years old. (Ok, soon to be 4 but whatever). And you’re calling me “Mother”? What happened to “Momma” or “Mommy”?

Secondly… “Jacked up”? You seriously just said that?

Lastly… you’re three years old and still wearing diapers?… something’s not right here!

Lord help me.

My kid will NOT potty train. He is deathly afraid of it. Not sure why. He will not tell me except that he is afraid of the toilet. We try and try. He wears chonnies (underwear) and LEAKS in them the entire time. I check him every minute and then all of sudden he’s just “damp”. Then he just full-on pees in them. It’s like he leaks non-stop and doesn’t even think about it. He has no consciousness of the PEEING-NESS of it all.

Sit him on the toilet 10,126 times and NOTHING happens. The minute you get him off and into chonnies (or pull-ups)… HE PEES! Not even kidding. THE MINUTE. He is 3! GOING ON FOUR! I don’t even know what to do anymore.

Rewards? *Scoff!”
Major cheering and praise? *Means nothing*
Threats? *Whatever Mom*

He doesn’t even fit into diapers anymore! They leave marks on his sides from being too tight. Ridicule? Peer pressure?… Doesn’t even phase him…

OMG. I’m going to have a kid in diapers forever….

Turns out, Gavin got a hold of those well hidden crayons and secretly and very quietly colored a masterpiece on his bedroom wall. Turns out, Gavin is a resourceful little thing. Those crayons were tucked inside a tin, inside a ziploc baggie, inside a tied up crayon roll on a shelf in his room…

Gavin's Art

Very intricate isn’t it? I mean, this work of art actually had to take some thought. Lots of switching of the crayons. Lots of layers. A two-year old Picasso maybe?

This took some time to create!

Oh yeah, he also colored his sheets, toy box, and bookcase.

Thankfully it washed out

BTW, the masterpiece is still there. Haven’t tried to roll over it with paint yet and we’re also out of magic erasers ATM. In addition to these wonderful parental surprises, I’ve been busy with lots of craft projects. Lots! Unfortunately, not many photos to share right now. I have so much going on, it’s hard to keep track of it all! I think I need to start tracking a list of current projects, future projects, etc. I’m a sanding, priming, spray painting, mod podging, cricutting, gorilla gluing MANIAC. Also, getting ready for a girls’ weekend to vegas next month AND the MIL coming to visit. Creative bubbles are exploding around here! I only wish I had more time, money, and patience!

Mary,
Thank you so much for watching the boys today! I was able to get a lot of shopping done. I would NEVER have been able to do that WITH them. A prime example… right after we left your house this afternoon, we went to Fry’s to get some butter and my vitamins. I stopped at that Tully’s coffee stand to get us some drinks because we were all parched and slightly irritable. For some unknown reason, Gavin COMPLETELY LOST HIS COOL. He started crying, no SCREAMING, non-stop and people were staring at us and giving us dirty looks! I tried everything to calm him down. He was absolutely hysterical! He was sweating, bright red, bucking, kicking, thrashing! I still have NO IDEA what triggered it. He would not stop. I thought maybe he was hungry, so I saw some Goldfish on sale for $1 a bag (awesome price BTW) and I opened it right there in the store to give him some. Quentin was beside himself too, because he didn’t want to hold the smoothie I had gotten him because it was “too cold”, but he still wanted to drink it. He wanted me to stand there and hold it for him, all the while Gavin was screaming his head off. The whole experience was a nightmare! Gavin would not stop screaming. Even with a mouth full of slobber and goldfish, he kept screaming. It was all falling out of his mouth. I tried to hold him, rock him, give him a drink. Nothing calmed him down. Eventually the store manager came over to see what was going on. He pretty much asked us to leave, but not in so many words. It was beyond humiliating! I had already opened the Goldfish, so I had to go through the self-checkout lane with Gavin screaming the entire time. People were stopping to stare and see what was going on. He was screaming like someone was stabbing him! I got them to the car and he screamed/sobbed the entire way home. I changed him (he wasn’t even wet) and put him right to bed. He got a bottle too. I still don’t know what was wrong with him. I also put Quentin down. Philip and I had a blow up fight in the 10 minutes we actually saw each other before he left because I thought Gavin had lost a shoe in the parking lot during that whole fiasco and I had asked Philip to drive by Fry’s to see if it was still in the parking lot on his way to work. He refused. He was like “cut your losses and get over it”. That’s super easy for him to say because he NEVER EVER tries to take the boys anywhere by himself. He has NO CLUE how miserable of an experience it can be! I was so angry and just steaming about what had happened, I told him that if he didn’t get that shoe, I would divorce him!!! LOL! I seriously said that! He said “Oh well! Divorce me then!”.

I was having a good day until all that fiasco at the grocery store!!! :/

But guess what? I FOUND THE FREAKIN’ SHOE!!!!

The writing is a bit rough, but I’m way too exhausted to rewrite all that crap to make it pretty for blogland. So yeah- that was my day, in a large, wordy, sweaty & stressed out nutshell. FYI, I don’t plan to divorce my husband because of a shoe. It was the hormones/frustration speaking. It makes me say crazy stuff that I often later regret. The kids are completely asleep for the night and I still have no idea why Gav nanomorphed into Kidzilla like that. Also, I think I need a beer.

But seriously, let’s just say that today was “one of them days!”. I’m learning (the hard way) that toddlers cannot be entertained with a DVD for a “few moments”, while Mom squirrels away to do some graphic work on the computer. Because even though it’s relatively quiet on the other side of that office door, total secret mayhem is actually taking place in your living room. This time the havoc came via an entire bag of potato chips turned upside down and spread throughout the living room (I still curse the day that Quentin learned how to open the pantry door). Also, a torn off diaper and lovely poop trails scattered down the hall. I really should have taken a picture, you’d have been much entertained! In their defense, what was supposed to take a few minutes ended up taking MUCH longer (not even sure how long, I lost track of time) because I was having serious technical difficulties. But, we live and learn, right? Next time, I’ll just have to wait until after their bed time before I decide to go all “Office Space” with that piece of you-know-what printer that keeps eating my freakin’ labels. So much for doing productive personal stuff during the day. I guess I must resign myself to the fact that my kids 0wn m3. If I could just come to terms with the fact that this life is truly now “my job” and that I’m not just on vacation! And God, if you could just send me a tiny bit more of that magical stuff called “patience” (or a valium). KTHXBYE.

As you can see, it seems that going out with the kids is still quite challenging. We’ve been pretty busy lately too, partaking in several social activities over the weekend. It’s a catch 22 though! We love getting the kids out to interact with other children and seizing the opportunity to socialize with other parents ourselves. But oy vei! We’re usually EXHAUSTED at the end of it all! It’s tough work chasing them around and trying to keep them in check. I’m hoping that it’s just an age thing and not that my kids are pure unadulterated beasts from the land of Let’s-Act-As-Bad-As-We-Possibly-Can-and-Totally-Embarrass-Our-Parents.

In our defense, the decision to see that 3D Shark movie at the Arizona Science Museum was sort of pushed on us by hubby’s friend. Fortunately for him, his kids are older and behaved really well. Oh well, at least we know that Quentin is totally not ready to see a movie in a theatre yet. However, it could’ve just been the subject material. Sharks? Two-year-olds? Yeah, like I said, wasn’t thinking too clearly. Also, I totally got over myself and finally bought a swimsuit. After seeing how much fun the boys had in the pool at Adriana’s house, I can no longer deny them the joy of splashing in our (very public) community pool. *Sigh*, flubber or not, Momma’s gotta step up!

This week is going to be relatively low-key as far as outings. However, we have a huge to-do/chores list on the forefront as we gear up for the Mother-in-law to visit in August. When it comes to the MIL, I’m choosing to keep my commentary to a minimum to align with that old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Again, patience and sanity will be tested like no other. Alcohol will definitely be required.

It’s fine now. Kids are napping. We took them for haircuts and to IKEA for lunch (and to buy a super cheap coffee table I saw when I was there last week with my friend Jan). Gavin did REALLY well with his haircut this time. It turns out the trick is to give him a lollipop. Doy! He’s never had one before, so he was so involved with mackin’ on it, he didn’t mind the scissors or clippers this time. Didn’t even notice! Quentin on the other hand… OhMyFREAKINGod. He was TERRIBLE! He was screaming bloody murder!!!! Not even Philip could hold him down. At one point we thought we were going to have to take him home with literally half his hair cut! He was bawling, bright red, and all booger-y. He was a HOT MESS! It was very traumatic for EVERYONE in that store – especially Philip. I also feel sorry for the one customer trying to get her haircut in peace. I’m sorry lady! I’ve had my tubes tied, I promise you!

Then I was suddenly hit by an awful bout of diarrhea (definitely the stress) and had to make a beeline for Fry’s with Gavin, who also smelled like he needed a serious diaper change. Turns out he was just seriously FARTING. When we got back to Cost Cutters, Quentin was finally done and it was Philip’s turn. Quentin’s hair turned out okay. Still a little long on top, but considering the screaming demon child she had to work with, the hairdresser did pretty well. One girl completely gave up on him and another girl had to step in. Philip was pretty stressed at that point, sweating buckets! Both boys were overheated too. I was also all sweaty and my stomach was still pretty jacked up. I walked them over to Jack in the Box in 110 degree heat and got them a Strawberry/Banana smoothie to share. THANK GOD I stood my ground and demanded we take the stroller, when Philip and I were standing in the driveway arguing about it. I have no idea how we would have managed without it! I would have crapped my pants trying to CARRY Gavin over to Fry’s in time! NO JOKE!!!

After Philip’s haircut, we went to IKEA and ate lunch in the IKEA café. It was decent. I’d eaten there once before and LOVED the Swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes. Totally authentic tasting. Quentin was his usual self- he drank lots of chocy-milk, but hardly ate anything. Gavin ate pretty well, also as usual. Once again, Quentin was a shrieking-monster-of-unspent-energy all throughout the store. We were determined to shop though, much to the chagrin of everyone else in the marketplace. We got a really cheap coffee table ($29.99) for the living room that matches all the other IKEA crap we have. We’re determined not to purchase any grown-up (aka: nice/fancy) furniture until the kids are older, mostly because being boys and therefore being monsters, they eat furniture for lunch. Also got a huge living room rug for $17.99. Some new throw pillows/covers for the couch, a pyrex dish to make casseroles in (we used to have one of these and not sure what happened to it) and since I’ve actually been cooking (that’s another story, but let’s just say we’ve all had diahrrea at least once from my “cooking”) we really needed one. We also got some plastic ware (little cups so Quentin can start to ditch the sippy cups) and some plastic kids utensils. IKEA was crazy, but nothing beats Quentin at Cost Cutters!!!! We came home and put them both right to nap. Going on outings is STILL super difficult and mostly traumatic! We’re wondering if it will EVER get easier?

My sweet friend Mary invited us to go to a water park on Friday, but I’m super scared of taking the both of them myself! Philip and I can barely keep our shit together when it’s the two of us! But just me, add water, and 2 screaming boys? OH HELL NAH! Unfortunately, I think that’s one invite I might have to decline :/

So other than my son making a spectacle of himself in Cost Cutters, what else is new? It feels weird to be at home. Jobless! There are so many things for me to do (projects!), so I’m not scared of being bored. Just worried about the money (or lack thereof). Upon advice from family/friends, I (almost) applied for unemployment this morning, but after getting so far in the system, ending up chickening out. Both Philip and I agree not to mess with it. Not worth going to jail over! They are SERIOUS about fraud. It’s all over the DES site. They’re very clear that unemployment is not for those that VOLUNTARY end their employment. They’re clear that unemployment is for people who are laid off and fully intend to find a full-time job as soon as they can. They ask some VERY tough questions. We were both SO UNCOMFORTABLE while going through the online process, we said it wasn’t worth it. They wanted the bosslady’s name/contact info and there was an entire page asking for explanation as to why I couldn’t work out “the issues” prior to quitting. I didn’t want to lie/make up a half-baked story or put bosslady in a bad position if they were to call her! So basically, filing for unemployment is just not going to be an option for us. Bottom line. We will suffer the honest way, like all the other families who’ve decided to be home for the kids and live on one income.

Day 1 down, the rest of my life to go…